Why I sucked

Well, school is done for the year, and because I'm missing english class so much, better start blogging more.

Today's topic: Why I sucked for the past while

At first glance, openly announcing my recent struggles in running might seem rather odd or even self-abusive, but there is just something about knowing the root of a certain problem or stressor that can relieve the stress. You see, if someone last week would have had the balls to state the obvious by blatantly telling me 'hey Cyr, you're slow,' I would have taken my light runner fist and brought it to their face. Or kick them in the shins, whichever one would allow me to run away faster. But in contrast, if someone would reveal their thoughts on my speed today, or lack thereof, I would respond with a simple 'yes, I know.' Why the change? One answer. Attribution.

My problem right now is that I am performing poorly in my running training. It has brought me much distress, but once a problem is attributed to something, it gives way to clarity. I have recently been on the hunt for this clarity. However, this search for clarity through attribution can be tricky, because it makes us seek attributions to the point where we tend to make false ones if we cannot find real ones. This is also known as making excuses, or trying to find an easy way out of the initial problem. I finally found out that that was not the case for my problem as I have, though unconventionally, found this clarity through attribution. A wise man who will remain unnamed once said 'winners find a way, losers find an excuse.' Anyway, more on that later.

Lets go back to last Monday, when I was living in ignorance and denial of my problem. I had just finished a 40 minute "easy" run. Problem was, I felt like garbage, like I had been feeling for the past few months, but worse. If I'd have a theme song for that run, it would've been Nickleback featuring Nicholas Cage on the bagpipes. I got back to campus heaving and sweating, feeling as though I had completed a marathon. The discomfort was abnormal, almost otherworldly for someone who had consistently been putting in decent mileage. When wondering why this was happening, the voices in my head began speaking to me. Like in an old-fashioned cartoon, there was the angel (mine is Pre) and the devil (Gerry Lindgren). One on each shoulder.  Here is an excerpt of what was going on:

Pre - Alex, back off. You have been feeling shitty lately. Take a week of no running, if nothing gets better, go check it out. Maybe there really is something wrong. Play it safe.

Lindgren - What the hell man? You've been putting 100k+ lately and you're shitting the bed on easy runs? You really suck! How the hell do you think you're gonna run well at the bunny hop 10k next weekend? Get your shit together, suck it up and get back at it tomorrow, you plug.

Needless to say I listened to Lindgren. I really don't know why. There really is a fine line between running and schizophrenia. Anyway, I kept running on my cloud of denial up until two nice gentlemen found me lying unconsciously on a Charlottetown sidewalk on a calm Saturday morning. Ambulances rushed me to the hospital and kept me there for 3 days before diagnosing my problem. After multiple tests, a striking revelation was made. By looking at my red blood cell count, I could only muster up a few words: Holy s***, I'm anemic!'

I guess there were signs. I felt tired all the time, and I had recently adopted the skin tone of the guy living in the cupboard in Benchwarmers. My hemoglobin count was reduced to half of what a normal body should produce. According to the doctor, I was likely anemic since December or even earlier. This really made me think about things.

This news triggered mixed feelings. On one hand, it is quite disappointing, as I will have to make some changes in my immediate goals. However, my long term goals will remain the same. Because on the other hand, the much-needed attribution to my problem brought me the clarity that I craved, and having trained with low hemoglobin for so long might make me feel revitalized when I get on everyone else's level. It's basically like taking EPO on a smaller scale! I'm gonna be like Lance, cool!

In the midst of all this thinking about running, I could not refrain from feeling philosophical when I was getting tested for every heart condition known to man. What if they would have found me to be a ticking time bomb with a severe heart condition? What if this fainting spell would have been the end for me, being a sign of a deadly disease restraining me from any future physical activity? As I saw many unwell people around the hospital, everything became very real, and suddenly my diagnosis didn't seem so bad. I don't know how I would handle being stuck in a hospital for a period of time. I barely made it through 3 days without losing my mind AND I had pokemon Blue downloaded on my laptop. In all seriousness, my prayers go out to the lady whom I was sharing a room with, as she was being told that she needed to stay longer, because her condition was worsening. It really made me put everything into perspective. I'm sitting there hoping to run again by next week, while many other people are just wishing to get healthy and leave the hospital before it's too late.

To conclude, to honour the wise man, I will not make excuses while battling this disorder. Instead, I will find a way to overcome this obstacle quickly and become stronger than ever with my newly prescribed iRun pills.

Upwards

AC

P. S. 1 - To those who found me lying on the street, as well as to the doctors, nurses, family and friends who helped me get through this process, thank you very much. I will pay it forward.

The secret

Funny how I only blog when exams are around the corner. I guess it's a good way of avoiding studying the diversity of plants and  Thebian plays. Like really, do people even like this stuff? Seriously, those types of things just need to be placed on the back burner from time to time. Although I'll be the first one to admit that I do not enjoy the fine arts, I will assume that they are what taught me the important skill of critical thinking.

A runner who thinks critically already has half the battle won. It takes a good mix of smarts and accountability to answer the questions he has about his own training. I've been asking myself a lot of questions about training recently, and I've come to the interesting conclusion that I don't know jack s***. I think and claim that I do, but I don't. Neither do most people. 

I don't know why for some days I could run forever, and for others I struggle to get my legs up. I don't know more about why runners experience breakthrough seasons, and others stagnate. Most people who think they know what they're talking about will mumble something about enzymes and capillaries and such, but do we really know what is going on inside our complex bodies? How much of this can we control by training 'smart' rather than 'hard.' What is the SECRET? 

After having The Sports Gene by David Epstein get passed around the X-men locker room, much talk about the importance of genetics and talent have risen, so here is my pondering on the topic (and my unqualified tentative answers).

Q - Why do some people become really good in no time, while others are spinning their wheels in a mud that does not smell of sub-9 potential?

A- These people have found the type of training best suiting their body type and capabilities (high mileage vs quality mileage, tempo vs specifics etc.) On the other side, those who can't get out of their slump could be overtraining with frustration, or might be too stubborn to change it up. Here is where it is important to face the problem head first and ask, 'why am I not improving?' because running is nothing but pointless exhaustion if one does not see benefits from it. 

Q - Will I never be able to beat this guy even if I don't have his talent?

A- I think everyone has a ceiling and a floor. You reach your ceiling by hammering your training spot on for X number of years. You reach your floor by spending too many nights at the Wheel. In reality, some people have higher ceilings than others, but most rooms overlap. Therefore, it is not always the most talented that will win. Training, mental aspect, grit, and a healthy lifestyle are all factors that determine how high in your room you will stand. 

Q- Is David Rudisha really retiring??

A- No. 

These answers are by no means more right or wrong than another runner's. That's the beauty of the sport; the eternal journey in search of our body's kept secret, of the key to unlock his greatness, of what makes it tick its fastest. Sometimes I wish I knew, but then I'd already be down the border with Salazar and his robots. I'd rather figure it out on my own.

AC

PS - It was requested by Alexa Zarins that this blog should contain a portion about the weather, so here it goes:

Lately it has been sunny, then rainy, then sunny, then snowy, then sunny, then rainy, then really snowy. That's Antigonish I guess. Still gazing at a snow covered track.

Moon Shoes

         Looks like it's been over a month, but it's not like I'm gonna struggle to bust out a watered-down post every week. Plus, Christmas is coming up, and if you're reading multiple blogs right now you should ask yourself why you have nothing better to do.

 But, in all seriousness, lets talk about Moon Shoes. If you are not aware of what they are, swallow your pride and watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgmJ9epdJ2g

When I was 8 years old, or maybe 13, I asked for Moon Shoes for Christmas. Those things looked awesome. I could only imagine of the things I would get to do. I'd be known as the cool kid that hops around in school. I'd be able to go get the mail in 3 leaps and bounds. I could maybe pull them off at church if my other shoes were to be dirty. Oh the possibilities.

On Christmas morning, to my utmost pleasure, I found Moon Shoes underneath the tree. I screamed in joy, ran outside, and put them on. I then hobbled along my driveway, kind of like a carp fresh out of the water, by a series of lopsided, seizure-like half-skips that looked nothing like what was promised in the advertisements. Yeah, that was the day where I realized that Moon Shoes sucked, and were but a disappointing hoax. That day is ranked near the top of my Most Disappointing Days List, right in front of Lance Armstrong Confession Day, and right behind Habs Don't Make It Past First Round Day, which, sadly, is becoming a yearly occurrence. So yeah, it's ranked pretty high.

So, where am I going with this? This is not yet another spiel on capitalism and consumerism. If somehow you decided to hibernate and missed your dose of that during this holiday season, just sit down with your family and watch Ebenezer Scrooge wreak havoc in A Christmas Carol. The reason I brought up this sad story was to discuss the ever-standing misconception of expectation versus reality.
When we are building up for a season, we inadvertently think of unrealistic goals we would want to achieve. While I don't think aiming high is a bad idea, we often try to match our perfect goals with the imperfect reality of life. Even though we sometimes achieve it, a million things could get in the way of a perfect season. If we do not realize this, and get frustrated when perfect results don't come, we are not making any progress.

With this in mind, I have set myself a challenge for this season. Feel free to join. I will write my goals down prior to the season, and put them on the back burner. I will attempt to go through the season without thoughts on where I should be or how I compare with others, no matter how the season is going. After all it's doing, not thinking, that will get me where I want to be, so let the workload begin.

Meanwhile, time to celebrate the holidays.

Eating = Getting Fat
Running = Losing Weight
Eating + Running = Maintenance
Pick your side

Joyeux Noel

AC

The eternal question

Hey all,

Today, I faced a tough question. A question that sends all runners back to the drawing board to re-evaluate their motives in life. I faced it in a physio room from one of the X Women Rugby players. The question came in a discrete, subtle form. Little did she know, it made my heart skip a beat. As she was looking at my muscular legs opposed to my scrawny upper body, my short shorts split all the way up to the waist, my calves splattered with dirt, and my sweaty, rain-stricken hair, she asked, matter-of-factly : Why do you like running?

She wasn't expecting a 20 second pause. Nor was she expecting the answer that was flowing through my mind. I could have told her that I like the feeling of finishing a hard workout as much as I hate the feeling of missing one altogether. I love the feeling of getting into shape as much as I hate the off-season. I love winning a race almost as much as I hate losing one. I love being able to get away with eating a bit of junk food by writing it off as 'carbo-loading. I love meeting people through the sport, I love the opportunities the sport brings. I realize that I cannot recall one time during training that I did not have at least one part of my body sore, but I also realize that without the aches and pains of running, I feel empty. I love the commitment associated with running, I love the improvement that it brings. It's a part of me that I can't live without.

I didn't feel very philosophical, and didn't want to go into brutal detail with the rugby team, so I came up with a much simpler answer.

'If you had to ask, you won't understand'

Cheers
Alex

The long and winding road

Greetings

It has been a while, but there just wasn't much to talk about. Until today.

I've recently gotten off injury and began running again with the StFX X-men. Best running experiences of my life so far, these guys are beauties and I am super pumped to be able to spend my next four years with this team. Once I started running with no pain, excitement took over and I took off like a bat out of hell, running 90-100k weeks off a summer of sheer and complete elliptical bliss, or madness, depends how you look at it. Those two weeks were a blast, I tell you. Not having to think about anything but getting back into shape and gutting out the workouts en route to a challenging first XC season in the AUS. All fun and games, until knee pain came along and has now been sidetracking me for the last few days.

This has gotten me thinking. Why was I so stupid? Like every runner out there would understand, I felt the urge to run myself to exhaustion to compensate for my lifeless summer. If you are not a runner and do not understand my mental process, think of it this way: A smoker deprived of cigarettes for a few months would become insane, as I was for a while. Once he would be able to smoke again, he would probably go on a rather unhealthy bender. My bender consisted of doing a lot of running, more than my body eventually could handle, which brings me to my new theory on the sport. I guess Aesop was more than a turtle-loving storyteller when he came up with the Tortoise and the Hare nursery rhyme. He was on to something. Maybe slow and steady really does win the race...

We see this everywhere in life; if the NHL season would be based on the first 5 games, the Leafs would have a few more colour pictures of the Stanley Cup on their wall. If you could become a businessman in a month, everyone would do it and enjoy measly 4 day weeks in university. If you could solve your New Year's resolution in the first two weeks of January, gyms would go out of business by Valentine's Day. An amazing start doesn't necessarily lead to an amazing finish. We are so impatient to try to master our craft that we get frustrated when it doesn't fall into our hands immediately. This makes us overdo, overtrain, and overanalyse everything when the answer is the same for 99% of occasions. Success is gradual. We cannot make hares of ourselves and dive into something overzealously, because that pool is shallow, and we will eventually hit the bottom quicker than we have planned. Instead, we need to grow in our practice, and improve slightly every day, until we reach our goal. This will eventually make it feel more worthwhile.

So from now on I will model myself like the tortoise. Those things can live up to 200 years, so they must know what's up. That's a lot of time to improve.

Cheers
Alex

A new beginning

Stumbled upon this blogging business today and thought I'd give it a try. Even though everyone now has Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and are too busy for blogging unless they're unemployed or are an injured runner. Sadly, I belong in the latter group. After working the hardest I had ever worked to build a good base over the winter and following it up with a couple solid road races in the spring, nothing could go wrong for summer track. So I thought. A bout of achilles tendonitis followed by a stress fracture that could have been diagnosed much quicker than it did pretty much wiped out my season. 

Dealing with injury is tough for any runner, no matter what level. If you're like me, it's all you'll think about during your time on the shelf; hoping for the best but expecting the worst. Days seem like weeks and weeks seem like months, and the whole thing feels like a big, lifeless, lethargic blur. But after endless boring hours on the pool, bike, and the elliptical machine, one begins to realize why this whole thing might have happened for a reason. There's something magical about getting seriously injured (2 weeks +) for the first time. All crankyness, impatience and frustration aside, being unable to run inevitably teaches us a lesson. Like anything else in life, running is most appreciated when we cannot have it. When we start a new phase in our training, we are extremely motivated for the first few runs, then, everything becomes mainstream and we end up going through the motions without even realizing it. Sometimes, an initial and untimely fork in the road is what we need to make us fully appreciate our future running adventures.

Today was my first decent run since coming back from the dead and it felt great. Am I as fit as I wanted to be at this time of year? Would I be able to run a PB in any given race right now? No and no. But I'm finally on the right track and ready to work towards cross season and just that gives me more motivation than I had in a while. 

Sometimes we don't realize how lucky we are to simply be alive and well enough to run. From now on, when I'll be hurting halfway through my race with the wind in my face while running up hills that just won't quit, I'll enjoy it, telling myself that it's a hell of a lot better than watching The Price is Right with my leg in a bucket of cold water.

Alex